“Because he was not Indian. My main, main reason. Second main reason was because she didn’t know him. If she had met him in a non-boyfriend environment, as a friend, she would have been more accepting of him.”
“What’s the big deal with him being African?” I asked Ananya.
“Mainly religion I think. Another thing is because if they are from a whole other country, you know nothing about the family history, where he’s come from, what his parents are like, where he’s been, who he’s dating—and it’s a scary thing to let your child into that. A stranger’s land pretty much.”
Ananya seemed to share more depth in understanding why her mother would disapprove of her African boyfriend.
“And this is so lame” Ananya said, “but I think she would think I would be easily influenced to sleep with him because he was not Indian. ‘Cause if you’re Indian and your boyfriend’s Indian, you can find your values. Because it’s (sex) more openly done in other cultures as opposed to ours, what if he influences me otherwise? I think that was the initial thing.”
Samita didn’t discuss any of these issues. Like a good parent, she cited the sensible reasons why she disapproved of Ananya’s behaviour.
“I think what happened is I was very happy in my heart that she was completely my child, where she’d always come and tell me everything because I was safe. I didn’t stop her from having a boyfriend but I said let two years pass and let her find whomever she wants. But these two years where she’s first entering the country and living there I don’t want her to get crazy and not study. Everything finally in my mind comes to finance, because I was scared tomorrow if she gets married to a guy like this, then if society doesn’t accept her and all, what will I do?
Although mother and daughter never spoke about this, Ananya seemed to understand.
“I think another main reason for her,” Ananya said, “which she didn’t really say but I know was that when there’s no stability in your life, be it because of job and stuff, and you’re just in school, and if you meet the wrong person, you can get badly influenced—you’ll stop studying, you’ll change your major, all you want to do is hang out with the person, you’ll stop your life.”
