By Raj M.
It started off with people you didn’t really like. “John Doe added you as a friend on Facebook (FB). To confirm this friend request, follow the link below…”
“Request” seems to be a polite way of saying, “Do this or you’re in big trouble.”
Like on a flight when the attendant says, “We request everyone to take their seats.” Or your boss says, “I’d request you not to take the weekend off.”
It’s pretty much an order bubble-wrapped in politeness.
So you’ve probably never talked to John Doe for longer than five minutes, or you were friends with him in 2nd grade, when you barely knew how to keep from peeing in your pants, let alone choose your best mates.
Either way, you’re stuck.
But as the FB disease spread like wild fire, suddenly you were confronted with a ‘friend’ request from family—your aunt.
Now you’re really in a fix.
If you reject your mom’s sister, or cousin, or third cousin’s uncle’s best friend, it’s a downright insult. The next time you’re at a wedding, reunion, or dinner party, she might just hunt you down and say loudly in front of the others, “Beta, why have you not added me as your friend on FB? What are you hiding, huh?”
The right answer is, “I’m hiding a whole lot that I don’t want to tell you.” But the politically correct answer would be “Oh sorry, I get so many requests sometimes I just miss a few here and there!”
So even though it’s complicated, there are ways to dodge your friends and relatives.
But the icing on the digital cake comes when you get that request from your parent.
“I can’t not add him,” a 25-year-old tells me about her dad. “It’ll hurt his feelings. Plus he barely has any friends and no one writes on his wall. I feel bad!”
But not all parents are as clueless as hers.
I agree as a parent that children should not b forced to add their relatives. FB is their space which is meant to b accessed by their friens and their aged ppl. If adults wanna explore FB they shud limit themselves to their own friens jus as they wan their kids to stay within their limits. Y spoil the fun? Kids hv their own language which may b misinterpreted n misunderstood by parents
Looks like most parents are looking for excuses to be on FB hiding their true intentions of prying into others lives and attenpting to be young and trendy when they should be busy “living: their own lives !!!
I thought this topic was rather interesting as I must agree with the fact that people need to have their own privacy from certain family members or strangers. But I disagree about the true meaning of ‘request’, and I think if you are not comfortable having this person as your friend then just ignore it. It has happened to me quite often were people from younger grades add you as a friend, but I see them as a stranger and therefore deny their friendship request. Only accept those who you regularly talk to or those who you are really keen on talking to again.
“The ultimate aspect of the privacy issue is the possibility of complete social control”
-Robert Ellis Smith
Perhaps Robert is on to something here. Privacy is a right that belongs to each man, women, and child. But with the advent of public social communication, our privacy seems limited. So why do parents seek to restrict privacy more so by watching every moment of their child’s lives through Facebook? What you want to be kept to yourself should be kept to yourself. Kids shouldn’t be pressured by their parents to friend them on Facebook and have their private lives open to subjugation.
When my parents learned about Facebook and joined, I immediately went to my privacy settings on my account and made them tighter. I’m lucky my parents didn’t feel it necessary to request me as a friend and respect what I wanted to just be kept with my friends. But what I hear going on with some parents is troubling.
Parents who do this to their children create a lot of negative effects including creating mistrust. Children will feel that their lives are controlled as they limit what they do to what their parents will find acceptable rather than being themselves.
As for the children of these parents, do not feel pressured into accepting a friend request from your parents if you feel they would use it to spy on you. A “request” isn’t a “demand”. You don’t have to accept them. Just be sure to talk to your parents about why you did so.
Parents should feel close to their kids and I can see why they would want to monitor everything their kids do. They just want to look for the best interest of the child and protect them. But they should also realize that there is a limit. Privacy is a precious thing. Don’t take it away.
“You already have zero privacy – get over it.” Its true in certain ways and Facebook is just another way for people to lose their privacy. Facebook gives us the choice to accept friends, but in many ways, it actually doesn’t.
When my dad added me on Facebook, I felt as if I was put in an awkward dilemma. I was a bit concerned about losing my privacy. I knew that my dad didn’t know much about Facebook or any technology, but it still caused me to worry. Facebook did give me the choice to allow him to be my friend, but my morals didn’t. I couldn’t say no to my dad, it would’ve been insulting to him. To this extent, I do agree with the article saying that through Facebook, you could lose your privacy to your parents. Luckily my dad barley checks Facebook, and doesn’t bother going through my photos and wall posts. Me and my father did come to an agreement though, that if I felt that he wasn’t being a good “Facebook parent” that I would delete him. Thus none of us have problem with each other with this issue.
Another issue that was discussed in this article was the issue that the used word on Facebook, “request” doesn’t really give you an option. And I do agree with this, but only to the extent that it is to people you know. It can be hurtful to others which is why it doesn’t really give you a choice, but you can’t blame it on Facebook, it’s our morals and how society was built up. When random people add me, I always decline without getting bothered by it. I can’t do the same to parents. I occasionally reject a person that I knew from before that I don’t like much now. The thing is, it can cause a lot of drama and problems between us. That’s one thing that I don’t enjoy about being a Facebook user, but it’s just something that I have to deal with.
We can’t change how this is, so I feel as though we should just deal with it. When a parent adds you that you’re not comfortable with, don’t ignore it or accept it, just talk to your parent about it. There are several ways to retain your privacy; you just need to figure them out. So the question is left to you, do Facebook friend request really give you a choice.
Sometimes kids need their own space. Even though I love my parents, I would rather not have them as a friend on facebook. But then again you can’t tell your parents not to make an account or not to add you. So what can you do?
My mother has an account, and she added me. Obviously I couldn’t “ignore” her. She doesn’t really log on to it, or quite know how to use it, so this is an advantage for me. But some relatives that know very well their way around this social network add me as well, and I find it very annoying because I feel like I have to accept their requests against my will. Even though I might write a few inappropriate things at times, that isn’t really the reason why I want to decline.
The main cause is for my friends, if they have secrets or pictures, and their parents don’t know about these kinds of things, I’m scared it will get out. Like a picture of a friend smoking or someone with their boyfriend and they don’t want their parents to know. I’m very open with my parents, so it doesn’t matter that much to me, but this isn’t always the case.
One good thing you can do is put those people you are hesitant about on a separate list and then limit their views of your profile and friends. You can limit them to practically everything so it’s as if you declined their request without pressing the button “ignore.”
I believe this is the best way, so you don’t disappoint your parents or relatives and still get your privacy for whatever reason. Because, even though they might not understand why you don’t want to accept their request, you still need some sort of freedom.
Most people use face book as a community tool. As I can see, my every single schoolmate owns a face book account. Our parents also know face book and they are trying to keep their children from being out of control. And how should we deal with this special “friend” request?
We have friends in or outside the school; face book is a common way of how we keep in touch with them. This is a private space for us. Should parents be involved? Most of us will say “NO.” “My mom reads my wall every single morning,” says a teenager from London. “She knows what guy said what to who, and how I feel about it, and whether or not I went out last weekend, what I was wearing, what I was drinking – EVERYTHING! Most of us will explain the reason this way.
This problem is between “friends” and “parents” they are different. In our minds, we think that face book is a place where we can share our interests, news and everything fun. “Parents” are always parents; they always want to check out what we are doing. But that is exactly what we don’t want. Imagine your parents follow you to your friend’s party.
Parents should not appeal in our friends list.
I felt uneasy as I pressed “accept” for a friend request that came from a relative. The word “request” had me under duress and left me no choice but to accept.
Kids feel suppressed around their parents. At least on facebook, they should be able to be free of the vigilant eyes of a parent.
Parents adding their child on facebook comes to us like a message of “I’ll always have my eyes on you.” The idea is certainly menacing, and it limits us of freedom even online.
But the reason that I don’t want to add relatives on facebook is not because I have something to hide. I don’t have pictures of me doing heinous things or vulgar wallposts. Rather, It’s that I dislike the idea of my parents going through my wallposts and pictures.
When a relative added me on facebook, I put them on a seperate list and limited their view of my profile. Instead of declining their request, I believed that this was a better solution to the problem.
We don’t have to “fight friend requests.” We can always take a more expedient way around the matter and maintain a good relationship between relatives.
I will never have my parents in my friendslist, since they dont use facebook. This problem is between “friends” and “parents” they are different. In our minds, we think that face book is a place where we can share our interests, news and everything fun. “Parents” are always parents; they always want to check out what we are doing. But that is exactly what we don’t want. Imagine your parents follow you to your friend’s party. So, I dont think I will add my parents.
“I do suspect that privacy was a passing fad.” I agree with Larry Niven. Privacy has become harder and harder to come by, and its cause is social networks like Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter. But the choice when it comes to choosing who you accept is all yours. Privacy is hard to get but it is something that we all should have.
I get many requests from people that I don’t want to add. More often than not I don’t reject them I just leave the request alone. It is my right as a Facebook user and person to choose whom I want to interact with. When it comes to family it gets a bit trickier. I agree that if confronted by a nosey aunt or cousin whom you didn’t accept because you didn’t want to; just say that you didn’t get a chance too. If you are so worried of what your parents or family members are going to say if they see your page then change it. if you are ashamed of what you put on your profile or what you say to friends chances are you shouldn’t be saying it.
For the issue of needing privacy from our parents. I agree that there should be some boundries but our parents don’t want us to look stupid or look foolish. They only want the best for us. If you are afraid of what you do because of what your parents will say then you probably are acting stupid. In that case you should probabaly stop.
Yes, I agree that privacy is a manditory aspect to our lives but we must also know that if the reason we want privacy is because we are afraid of our actions then our actions are probably not the right thing to do.
Facebook means zero privacy. If you ever play around with your account you know what I am talking about. The amount of information you can get about a person is incredible, but scary. The minute you sign up for an account you are make yourself open to the world, and that includes strangers, family and old friends. Yes it is hard to fight the urge to decline an unwanted request, but it’s a part of the Facebook experience. You can always lie to them, but after a while it will catch up to you. No one wants their parents on Facebook whether you are doing something wrong or not. Especially if they are very controlling and protective, you know they will be checking up on you all the time.
I have my parents on Facebook. At first it was a slight dilemma for me but then I got over it. I doubt my parents know their way around Facebook, but even if they did it doesn’t matter. I know that I don’t have anything wrong for them to say anything. When I first added them I put them on limited profile right away. But a while later I realized it didn’t really matter and open my information to them.
Eventually you have to face them. You can tell them that you “get so many requests sometimes you just miss a few here and there.” But all that does is get them to add you again. You will just have to deal with it, however you do it. Someone I know found an interesting way to deal with this. She faked her name on her account and made herself invisible from other Facebook users. So she is the only person in control of her friend list.
For me, this isn’t a big issue because I know my parents won’t stalk me on Facebook. Most people face this issue on Facebook, but it is inevitable. If you really want privacy, Facebook is not the place.
Marlon Brando once said, “Privacy is not something that I’m merely entitled to, it’s an absolute prerequisite.” People don’t understand that these days there are people out there that stalk u in better words. Like having pictures of you or information on a website or on a social networking site can be risky. So privacy should be considered because it will save you from problems.
When you hear “Face book” for instance what do you imagine?
Face book is another world where anyone can add you. These days’ children from 5 years old till adults 70 years old have a face book. For example, I have people adding me randomly and I don’t even know a person with that name. So a smart thing to do is just to ignore the person and not accept until you know exactly who he is. And on top of that you should have your profile secured through privacy settings.
So be cautious and know who the person is before you accept or add him or her. This goes to everyone that has a social networking profile.
Privacy, what is privacy? a. Privacy is the quality or condition of being secluded from the presence or view of others. Everyone’s perspective and limitation of privacy differs. Face book I think is the best way to connect or reconnect with people on the other side of the map. Face book helps you talk to people that are in your everyday life. You get to exchange information and pictures with friends. And it also helps you in finding people that you used to know before. But face book was mainly made to connect with people you know well and maybe some people in your family. But that is not possible with some people, some people just confirm friend requests whether they know the person or not. That could be a very dangerous as the accounts made could very likely be fake. Adding a family member could make a person feel uncomfortable especially if it’s a kid’s account. So face book should only be used to contact real friends that you really know, friend that you lost contact with, or family if you feel comfortable with.
This was a great article/post! I had fun reading through this, simply because it’s so true. I’ve had experience with this, but my problem is not my parents, my problem is relatives. I have my parents as friends and to be honest, I don’t mind. But the problem starts when your relatives start adding you as a friend, especially if you meet them once in a year and don’t talk to them at all. My aunt’s added me on facebook and i ignored the requests. But when I had a get-together and most of my family members came over to our house,then they started talking to my parent’s about me not adding them on facebook. That was annoying! And when i added them as friends, they literally spied on me and viewed all my friends, and also read everything my friends wrote on my wall. Then the next time we all met, they complained to my parents about how my friends and I use foul language on facebook and have weird pictures. That got me really annoyed because it’s not of their business.
Interesting article. I didn’t think that so many people had problems with their parents that someone would write an article about it. Though as for myself, when my father sent me a Facebook friend request, I just simply denied him. Though, we never actually talked about it.
I’m actually quite shocked to how some parents quite literally stalk their children Facebook wall. If they don’t trust their child enough on Facebook, how can they trust them out in the real world?
This topic is really quite interesting. But, I’d still like to know how some people cannot respect other peoples privacy. Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace may all be public things, but there should be limits to the amount of information that is exposed.