How did you first find out about your son’s relationship, and how did you feel at the time?
I have always had a very open relationship with my children. My son kept me advised when he met his present wife. I was happy for him, and having sent the children to American schools and later to an American university, I was not surprised.
What were your primary concerns, particularly in relation to her being from a different culture/religion?
Well when I met her I realized she was not very rigid about her religious views and she was quite open to a different culture. Of course I realized that culture-wise it would not be the same as an Indian daughter-in-law, but if the two of them were happy I found no reason to complain.
Did you express these concerns to your son?
No I did not. In fact he mentioned that he knew I would have preferred an Indian but this was the person he had chosen.
If a parent first finds out that their child is dating someone from another culture, and they oppose, what do you think should be their initial reaction and step?
Strict opposition will only make the child continue with the relationship. Parents should build a good relationship with the child and discuss it together rationally. In such matters parents should be like friends with their children and give them the confidence to be free with opinions and parents should handle the matter diplomatically.
What is a good way for parents to go about reaching an understanding with their children about an issue like this?
There is no fixed formula as such as it is very individual and depends on the relationship between the parent and child.
Some thoughts on this matter:
Broadly speaking children should feel confident that they can discuss any matter closely with at least one parent.
Parents should spend time to share views with the children.
Parents should discuss these issues like a friend.
Parents should reason with the children without being authoritative.
With a build up of warmth and affection in a relationship a lot can be achieved.
Parents should also have an open mind and see the child’s point of view.
