Embarking on the Journey—Some tips:
A few good tips to keep in mind when getting ready for “the talk.”
• Be Aware of how YOU feel about the topic—try and be honest about your level of comfort with the topic itself, and if needed, get advice from spouses, relatives or friends who are comfortable speaking about it. You might even consider having them help you;
• Think of THEIR shoes, not yours—As hard as it is, try not to compare your own experience with your child’s. Start anew with an open mind. Bring your wisdom, not your baggage. Think about the world he or she needs to contend with;
• Timing is not everything, but it is something—When to talk to your child can vary depending on the child and the opportunity, but try and be alert to the changes occurring. With so much information out there, it might be better to give your child the “heads up” so they know what to expect. It doesn’t have to be a one-time marathon session. It can be a series of conversations over time. In any case, don’t wait until he or she gets information from the wrong sources, or for them to come to you because that might never happen.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help—No one has all the answers. But luckily, there are so many resources available to us nowadays, whether it is: individuals (educators, counselors, friends), books, or online resources. Kidshealth.org has some great information for parents. There is even a Parent’s Guide to Puberty online. In addition, there are numerous books geared towards young boys and girls that can help you start or continue a conversation (but they can’t do the job for you!)
While South Asian parents may face unique circumstances, life changes like puberty are universally challenging, and awkward for everyone involved. There is no one, perfect formula. From the views of both parents and kids, I have learned that you just have to try and embody the trust and openness that you seek from your children, and vice versa.
Your kids might still have an embarrassing story to share later in life. But they will appreciate your effort. And that could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
