By Vandana Makker, Yoni ki Baat Outreach Coordinator
Ask most South Asian women about the conversations we’ve had in our communities and families about sex, and we’d give you a look like you’d just asked us to wire $10,000 to an overseas bank account belonging to a deposed prince in exchange for future riches. In other words, You’re kidding, right? This would never happen in a million years.
Though to many outsiders, India is seen as the land of the Kama Sutra and tantric sex, those of us who grew up in South Asian and diasporic communities know better: actual conversations about sexuality – especially female sexuality – are minimal and take place most often in the form of rumors, whispers, and shameful glances.
Suffice to say, this is troubling. Humans are sexual, women are sexual, and – gasp! – South Asian women are sexual. Silencing the issue does not make it go away, and often ends up creating problems. How many of us have dealt with unwanted glances and touches in a crowded bazaar? How many of us never realized that phuddi wasn’t the correct anatomical term until we entered our first sex ed class?
Sexuality can be funny. It can be painful. It can be joyous, confusing, disturbing, amazing, political, powerful, demeaning, transforming, kinky, and glorious. But unless people are given the opportunity to share their stories, it can only be secret. So in 2002, a few of us living in California’s Bay Area decided to do something about it.
As members of South Asian Sisters, a collective aimed at empowering women of South Asian descent, we were eager to take on a project that would allow women in our community to participate and take ownership in something bold. We had all seen Eve Ensler’s groundbreaking show The Vagina Monologues, and were especially inspired by the first-ever Indian performance of the show in Bangalore.
We decided to put our own spin on the concept, and with Ensler’s blessing, Yoni ki Baat was born.
In Sanskrit, the word “yoni,” loosely translates as “womb,” or “vagina.” Though the term is not commonly used in vernacular South Asian culture or language, and may not encompass the linguistic and religious diversity of South Asia, we wanted to use a title that conveyed both a sense of respect and cultural specificity – not to mention a sense of humor.
In early 2003 we sent out a call for submissions that included questions like, “What Bollywood song would your yoni sing?” and “What is your yoni’s matrimonial bio-data?” We didn’t know if anyone would respond, so we crossed our fingers and hoped for the best…and the floodgates opened.
We received an outpouring of amazing submissions from women all over the U.S., which addressed a variety of issues surrounding sexuality. Some of the topics in our first show included abuse, menstruation, masturbation, orgasms, marriage, religious faith, and political protest. Turns out, many of the women in our community had stories to tell and just needed a forum to do so.
“YKB illuminates the process of complex identity work from the voices of desi women – a missing category,” says Roksana Badruddoja, Assistant Professor of Women’s Studies at California State University. “ successfully challenges how the identities and experiences of desi women are imagined in the mass media and in public discourse.”
“It felt like my story was now being heard for the first time far beyond my own circle of friends,” says Sunu Chandy, contributing writer. “Equally importantly, this story was being told alongside so many other stories whereby women moved great distances to bridge the spaces between shame to reach, at the very least, a matter-of-fact sharing of the reality of our lives.”
The response from the audience was just as inspiring. Women and men filled the 500-seat auditorium for our first show, and were extremely supportive of the performers baring their souls on stage. The show may have raised a few eyebrows, but it also brought forth a lot of laughter, some tears, and a surprising amount of positive feedback.
The 2003 show turned into an annual performance, and also began to make waves outside the Bay Area.
As with The Vagina Monologues, Yoni ki Baat aims to raise awareness about domestic violence, which in many South Asian communities is even more hushed-up than sexuality. To that end, a portion of the proceeds from each performance is donated to an organization working to support survivors of domestic violence in our communities.
“As a violence against women activist I wanted to work on a project that brings awareness to our communities through art created by strong women of color,” says Rubaiyat Karim, who brought Yoni ki Baat to Los Angeles in 2007. “I wanted the conversation to have impact; to be something that we all can relate to. I wanted to create an opportunity for survivors of violence to express their pain and joy.”
Additionally, Yoni ki Baat has helped women find solidarity – including those who may have felt excluded from the South Asian community in the past.
“ years ago, I never would have thought it was possible for so many desi women to be willing to talk about their yonis, or for the community to have any response other than horror,” says Leena Kamat, who has participated in every Bay Area performance since the show’s beginning in 2003.
Today, the movement continues on a national scale, and we hope that it encourages more women in other parts of the country and the world to speak out and break the silence by reclaiming what is rightfully ours.
For more information visit www.southasiansisters.org or to add your voice send a submission to next year’s Yoni ki Baat 9: Yoni ki Laughs
CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS
We still want monologues, poems, songs, musings, and tidbits from South Asian women that explore the topic of womanhood, but this time around we just want to laugh.
Because — news flash — sometimes sex is pretty funny. Sometimes that insanely embarrassing moment from middle school is hilarious in hindsight. And sometimes your friends ask you to repeat that awkward conversation with your mom or daughter about birth control because it cracks them up.
In other words: We are seeking HUMOROUS pieces only! We want this year’s YKB to focus on the funny side of our experiences, no matter how uncomfortable or angry they may have made us at the time. As we know, the redemptive qualities of humor can heal and bring about poetic justice.
Some possible topics are romantic set-ups gone awary, unsolicited relationship advice, conversations with parents/kids/uncles/aunties, hair removal fiascos, or caught in the act!
Please send your submissions by August 31, 2012 to ykb@southasiansisters.org
This article previously appeared on the Women’s Feature Service
