By Billal Sarwar
Let’s cut to the chase. You want to influence your child’s behavior. Why? Because as a parent you want to ensure their safety and success. Generally there are three ways to influence anyone’s behavior, let alone that of a child. They are reward, punishment and social learning. This article, as you may have guessed from the title, is about punishment.
Is striking a child an effective punishment? Remember, the word “effective” in this sense means that the punishment stops the child from performing an unwanted behavior. If you’re punishing a child and do not notice any decrease in the unwanted behavior, it’s safe to say that your punishment is probably ineffective. When a punishment is effective you will notice a gradual decrease in the behavior. So back to the original question: is striking a child an effective punishment?
Striking a child is not ineffective, but as far as punishments go, it is probably the least effective punishment. Firstly, as demonstrated by Harvard psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg, children better understand they should not perform a behavior when they are given a logical explanation. If the child is young, the explanation can be as simple as, “Don’t play soccer in the house because you might break something. Would you like it if someone broke something of yours?” When using physical punishment against a child it is very difficult to simultaneously hand out a logical explanation. The child will be in a highly emotional state and won’t internalize what is being said. The internalization of a parental explanation is one factor that leads to less repeat offences.
Secondly, it is very difficult and nearly impossible to match the strength of a physical punishment with the magnitude of how unwanted a behavior is. For example, if a child steals a candy, you might say they get a slap on the wrist. OK fine, but what if they steal 10 pieces of candy? What if they steal a 100 pieces of candy? Does the child get a 100 tiny slaps, or one big punch to the face? Obviously you don’t want to harm the child, but at the same time you want to hand out a punishment that is fitting to the act. Physical punishment does not allow for a clear gradation.
Thirdly, and this is a general point, when a child misbehaves a punishment must be delivered immediately, and with consistency. If punishments are dealt out in an inconsistent manner the child will not learn that a behavior is necessarily wrong. The child is given the impression that they are allowed to get away with a certain amount of transgressions before they are punished. For example, if a parent only punishes a child every sixth or seventh offense, the child learns that they get away with misbehaving six or seven times, and thus they never stop misbehaving all together.
So, what’s the alternative to physically disciplining a child?
