It’s something called “subtractive punishment” and it’s actually very easy to do. Physical punishment is known as “additive punishment” because you are “adding” a negative consequence (threat) or stimuli (physical force) to a child in order to stop them from misbehaving. Subtractive punishment is just the opposite, instead of adding something negative, you take away something positive. For example, if you caught your child misbehaving, you would take away their favorite toy, iPod, cell phone, Internet privileges etc. The length of time for which an item or privilege is revoked should be proportional to the severity of the action, as well as consistent.
Subtractive punishment shows its superiority over additive punishment in several ways. Firstly, the child is in a stable enough emotional state to understand and internalize the parent’s explanation. Secondly, a parent is able to match the magnitude of the unwanted behavior with the punishment. The greater the misbehavior(s), the more positive things are taken away, or the longer they are taken away. Since additive punishments occur in short bursts, a child may develop a mentality to “take the hit” so to speak. This is less likely to occur with subtractive punishments because they are time controlled. To a child the short sting of a slap is nothing compared to the agony of being denied their favorite pleasure. Finally, it is sometimes the case that when a parent is unreasonable in their dishing out of physical punishment, the child may develop a bullying mentality reasoning that the bigger person (the parent) is allowed to coerce the smaller person(the child) without any consequences. This is very unlikely to occur when using subtractive methods.
A system of rewarding should also be used to reinforce positive behaviors such as getting good grades, honesty, sharing, etc. Furthermore, particularly with younger children, social learning is a very large factor in the acquisition of acceptable behavior. Many times children do as they see and not as they’re told. And finally, although I have applied these techniques to children, with a little creativity they can be applied to just about anyone.
