By Dhara Thakar Meghani
Did you know?
Temperament usually emerges by around 3 or 4 months, and stays relatively stable across the life span.
At 6-months, Salim is a cuddly baby. He easily moulds into his dad’s arms when getting fed, and is usually all smiles in the presence of others. He has started to settle into a relatively predictable sleeping and eating schedule, which his mother is incredibly grateful for – it allows her to work from home without too many interruptions. Salim plays quietly on his own and is pretty content until he needs something – but once changed, fed, or helped out of the unfortunate position he may have found himself in, he’s back to playing happily.
Meera’s parents couldn’t tell you when she’s going to take a nap. A 6-month-old too, she has yet to find anything close to a rhythm with her sleeping and feeding habits. Sometimes, her father drives her around the neighborhood to get her to fall asleep, but he’s not sure why playing music (which worked wonders for Meera’s older sister when she was a baby) only makes Meera fussier. Meera’s parents jokingly call her their “little grump,” but are exhausted and constantly wondering what they are doing wrong.
Meera and Salim clearly have very different temperaments. Temperament is commonly thought of as the “how” of behavior, or the way an infant reacts to stimuli and regulates his/her behavior. There is evidence that some temperamental characteristics such as sociability, shyness, and mood are inherited and remain relatively stable over one’s lifetime, although these characteristics are continually influenced by parenting behaviors and the environment.
Temperament is often measured by rating an infant along nine different dimensions: activity level, approach-withdrawal related to new situations, mood, biological rhythms, persistence, adaptability, intensity of reaction, emotional and sensory sensitivity, and distractibility¹.
Even though it is not always intuitive to break down an infant’s behavior into so many categories, sometimes considering where your infant falls along these characteristics can help you problem solve, identify patterns, and cut yourself a bit of slack. For example, Meera may have an especially low sensory threshold, which is something measured by the sensitivity dimension.
If she is already having some trouble regulating her biological rhythms, music may actually over-stimulate or distract her, while it helped to soothe her sister to sleep. As Meera’s father discovers this aspect about Meera’s temperament, he can tweak his behavior and her environment in ways that really help her calm down, hopefully resulting in a little more rest for both of them.
In addition to tuning in to your child’s temperamental style, notice how familial or environmental pressures inform your judgment about what you consider “good” or “challenging” temperament. Cultural values for development strongly influence the way in which parents interpret their infant’s temperament².
In communities where independence and assertiveness are preferable outcomes for children, parents may be especially concerned if their child is reluctant to leave their side for new situations or cannot fall asleep without being held and sung to every night.
In contrast, this behavior may delight parents in families or cultures where it is perfectly acceptable for children to be closely attached and reliant on their parents. Not surprisingly, cross-cultural studies find variations in the descriptions and value placed on the same kind of behavior – displaying inhibition toward others is viewed as respectful and ideal in one culture but has been described as lonely and depressed behavior in another³ 4.
It’s impossible to predict the unique balance of temperamental characteristics your baby will have or to know under what circumstances these characteristics will feel like a blessing or a test. Spending time to understand and appreciate your baby’s temperament will help you modulate your expectations for any given situation.
Unfortunately, we will not all be that parent with the angelic infant who sleeps unperturbed through the bright lights and loud noise of concerts and construction, but it is definitely possible – through a little trial and error, of course – to learn how best to support that emerging energetic, feisty, curious, serious, or yes, even grumpy personality.
Dhara Thakar Meghani hopes you have discovered how temperament is so much more than temper tantrums! For questions or more information, feel free to e-mail her at dhara@southasianparent.com.
Notes:
¹Thomas, A., & Chess, S. (1977). Temperament and development. Brunner/Mazelz
²Carlson, V.J., Feng, X., Harwood, R.L. (2004). The “Ideal Baby”: A look at the intersection of temperament and culture. Zero to Three, 24(4), 22-28
³Kerr, M. (2001). Culture as a context for temperament: Suggesions from the life courses of shy Swedes and Americans. In T.D. Wachs & G.A. Kohnstamm (Eds.), Temperament in context. Mahwah, NJ; Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
4Chen, X., Hastings, P.D., Rubin, K.H., Chen, H., Cen, G., & Stewart, S.L. (1998). Child-rearing attitudes and behavioral inhibition in Chinese and Canadian toddlers: A cross-cultural study. Developmental Psychology, 34(4), 677-686.
