By Himanshi Patel
Parent Contributor
“All children have creative power”. This quote by Brenda Ueland often makes me wonder whether I am making the right effort to understand my kids and their capabilities—beyond my standard parental expectations.
“I don’t feel like going to art class, Mom,” says 6-year-old Archit. “I want to play basketball right now.”
“You must go to the art class; you are so good at it,” says his mother Rusha in a strict tone. “If you don’t, how will you show your talent in art? And tomorrow you are going to swimming class because your classmate Jacob is going. And on Thursday you are going to your extra tutoring classes. And on Friday you are going to the Indian cultural activity. How come you are making faces? You should be excited to do all this.”
I stood and watched this one evening, when I had quickly stopped by to visit Rusha.
‘Poor Archit,’ I thought, as I said goodbye. He didn’t look too interested in doing any of it, never mind getting excited about it. From his kiddie perspective, this was overambitious.
My other friend Rajni can zap dinner for six people in an hour. A full time mother and part time tutor, she does everything she can for her children and family, and is practically good at everything.
“There is something missing,” she says to me one day.
“Like what?” I ask.
“My passion,” she replies.
“What do you love to do?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I mean I like art and painting a lot but I’m not sure if that is my passion or whether it’s something else? I guess I don’t know what my focus is on a day-to-day basis,” she sighs.
“Why do you think you don’t know your passion?” I dig more.
“I’ve never explored enough out there, being always so busy with other things.”
Looking at Rajni, I am now concerned about my kids, and even her kids. How will our kids be able to find their passion, especially in this day and age, with so much competitive pressure to be good at everything? Life is short. When should kids realize the one “thing” they love to do most? What is the formula that will help them realize this?
Personally, I believe it is important as a parent to expose kids to everything possible, but it is crucial to pay correct attention to what it is that they truly find interesting. Just because your son starts drawing and painting doesn’t mean he loves art. However, if your son is always singing and humming every type of music he hears, regardless of where he is or what he is doing, he may be inclined to music.
My neighbor Elena, who is a Russian-American mother of seven, is just awesome. Her kids, aged four to eighteen, are all busy with their own activities, especially the teenagers—they have started to realize what they love and are building a roadmap to pursue it. Every time I see her with her kids she reminds me of my thoughts on the formula of passion realization. She has been taking her kids to swimming, martial arts, music and cultural classes from the early age of three. And each class is for a very short period of time, as kids at that age don’t have long attention spans.
“Did you like the class, dear?” she asks her 4-year-old son.
“Yes,” replies little Eric.
“What did you like in the class today?”
“I liked new way to swim, mamma.”
She asks them questions after each class. “This is their exploration, and they love it at this age,” says Elena with a great smile.
“Why do you ask such detailed questions about class to your little one?” I ask.
“So that I know whether they are really starting to like it or not.”
I really like Elena’s approach, as I believe early experiences and observations will help our kids think through their likes and dislikes. This will help avoid enrolling my kids in every tom, dick and harry of a class. Overall my sense is that this Elena process will help me understand my children, who they are, and what they like—which in turn will allow me to guide them appropriately. And then eventually through this iterative process, I hope they will reach their passion!
