How we react to these situations is what makes or breaks our relationship with our younger siblings. They DO NOT need another parent, but they do need advice from an “older friend.” Most of our parents will never understand what our siblings are going through, but most of us, have an idea. That’s why friendship is the key solution. Befriending our younger brothers and sisters as early as possible is the best way to have a good relationship with them and to have some say in the decisions they make in life.
How do we treat our friends and colleagues? We listen to their problems, but we try not to judge them. We give them advice, but we do not tell them what to do.
But how do we usually treat our siblings? We are more likely to lecture them about what they did wrong. We are more likely to tell them exactly what to do because “we are older” or “we’ve been there, done that.”
First of all, every situation is different, and yes, we may know the basic outcome, but we might also be wrong about a specific detail that has changed with time. Thus, making hasty conclusions is not a good idea. Second, if we take that older, all-knowing approach, the younger sibling will feel their opinion and perspective is not recognized or respected. And this usually discourages open communication between siblings. It causes younger siblings to not want to share their thoughts with us.
Of course, even when we have successfully become friends with our siblings, they will still not tell us every detail about their lives. But that is OK. Do we want to know every detail of our friends’ lives? Do we give them suggestions before every decision they make? No. Our siblings want to be treated like our friends. They will tell us when they need us. We need to be patient.
Waiting, watching and not knowing if they are making the right decisions is hard. But watching and knowing they are making mistakes is just as hard. No matter what, we cannot control what our younger siblings do. All we can do is remain open and understanding.
The truth is, we’ve all made our own mistakes and we’ve grown and learned from them. And now we have to watch our baby brothers and sisters grow and learn as well. So watch and wait, and be available if they need a shoulder to cry on. But fight the urge to say “I told you so,” and replace it with “I will always love you, no matter what.”
