When words evade me, I close my eyes. Why is it that even though our minds are constantly flooded with thoughts we can’t stop–that when it comes to saying it out loud, or writing them down–we draw a blank.
Somewhere between conception and delivery, we fear judgment. What will be thought of our thoughts?
It’s risky business to create something new–raising a child, nurturing a plant, funding a start-up. There is always the possibility of failure, of loss, of disappointment.
The same holds true of our ideas. We could be wrong, or miscalculate, or make an error in analysis. I always thought I wasn’t really afraid of being different, of fighting convention, of pushing boundaries. But a few days ago, while lying on a sandbank in the middle of the Indian Ocean, amidst endless space, I discovered the constraints of my mind.
I did fear. I feared very much. Burdened with the weight of my own expectations, I was afraid that what I was trying to achieve would never come to be. We find ourselves always one step ahead–what if South Asian Parent doesn’t help families? What if the change we want to bring about is a wrong one–one even worse than what stands now? What if my child never succeeds in his career? What if our marriage is not happily-ever-after? Before we allow ourself success, we fail.
Perhaps the more we push ourselves to take risks, the deeper we sink into our own limitations. The solution, I’m sure, is different for each individual. But I feel compelled to share mine.
As parents, as innocent children, as angry teenagers–we all have to make a truly conscious effort–on a daily basis–to push those fears to a corner of our mind, making space for even more ideas, and even more possibilites. It’s not enough to say, “I don’t care. I am not afraid.” In fact, that’s probably more detrimental.
It’s necessary to actually be unafraid, to sincerely feel it’s OK if things do not come to be as we imagined. In parenting more than in any other aspect of our lives, this fact is critical. Unburdened by the vision of our children’s future, we will begin to see them as they truly are, with greater clarity.
I have a little trick I use. In any situation that scares me, I think of the worst possible outcome. I then imagine that outcome has taken place. I say, “Ok this is the worst thing that could happen. Now it’s happened. Imagine everything that will change because of it.” And then I ask, “Now what?”
In all honesty, the answer is never that bad. We overcome all blows to our dreams, and eventually we discover new paths. So why not try our best to nudge away our irritating fears–of judgment, of failure, of loss–and open ourselves up to every possibility of succes, of happiness, of contentment? Not just on random occasions that call on us to reflect. But every day, all day.
Rather than fret about what will be thought of our thoughts, we could be achieving even more by our actions.
Why not?
