By Neha Navsaria, PhD
Sexting. This very word can produce a number of responses from parents:
“What is sexting?”
“My children know better, they would never do that.”
“This worries me, I don’t want my child to use Facebook.”
Whatever you think, if you have a teen who texts, tweets, or posts on Facebook, then you should read this article.
Sexting is a recent trend that refers to teens sharing sexually suggestive, nude or semi-nude photos or sexually oriented texts of themselves via cell phone, e-mail or other social media. This practice can have serious legal, psychological and personal safety consequences.
If your child shares their photos or someone else’s they could be charged with producing or distributing child pornography. There is also the emotional damage that can come from having such photos in an electronic format. These photos can be distributed and saved online permanently.
If the consequences are so harsh, then why do teenagers do this? Well, their brains are still developing. It is difficult for them to think about future consequences as their natural tendency is to make decisions in the moment. Lori Henderson (2010), as part of her undergraduate research in psychology, surveyed the motivations of teens engaged in sexting. Here is an eye-opening summary of what she found:
- 56% of those surveyed have sent sexing messages at least once
- Of those messages, 44% of the participants had sent nude/partially nude photos/video of themselves at least once
- The overall motivation appears to be a form of self-expression rather than a sexual invitation
The author makes an interesting point—some teens engaging in sexting are doing so as a form of harmless self-expression and not always as a sexual invitation. In other cases, teens are responding to cyberbullying or pressure from a partner or stranger they meet online.
Sometimes it is attention seeking, flirting, or even blackmail. This helps us to understand the different motivations and behaviors behind sexting. Parents can use this information to better relate to, and educate their children about this risky trend.
Discussions about sex are often taboo in South Asian families, making it less likely that a conversation about sexting would occur. Here are some pointers to help you get started with this difficult topic:
- Do not ask questions in an accusatory manner. If your children think you are accusing them of sexting, they may become easily upset and end the conversation
- Ask them what they know about sexting (what they think about it, what their friends do). Start with their knowledge base and help them fill in the blanks. This will ensure ongoing healthy communication.
- Set aside time to talk with your kids about this topic. For example, don’t discuss it casually on the drive home from school
- Help them understand the legal, emotional and reputation risks
- Teach them about healthy forms of self-expression
- Start your own social media accounts that link to your child’s account so you can be more aware of their cyber identity
After reading this I hope you ask yourself, “Do I really know what my child is doing online?” and think about the conversation you will have with them. If you don’t have this discussion, who will?
For more information on sexting, cybersafety and what to do if someone you know is sexting, go to safeteens.com
Neha Navsaria, PhD is a child psychologist with interests in parent-child relationships, parenting issues, immigrant mental health and cross-cultural psychology.
Notes:
Henderson, L. (2010) Sexting: Self-Expression or Sexual Attention. Boise State University. Undergraduate Conference, College of Arts and Sciences and Public Affairs. Poster presentation
