A brave guest writer—an anonymous member of the opposite sex—fills in for No Sex in the City this month!
We don’t need to go into your search history to address the fact that you watch porn. It’s practically a forgone conclusion at this point. And if this doesn’t apply to you then congratulations, you’re in the adamant minority.
This is not to say you need to rush online and shock yourself with what’s acceptable nowadays (and trust me if you haven’t been watching, prepare to be shocked). However you should be aware of its prevalence. Why does it matter? Because chances are your partner has an IV to this wonderful Internet world while you’re off disconnected.
Porn is easily accessible, caters to every single sexual idea anyone has even conceived, and is accessed more than it ever has been before. We’re so concerned about the futility of trying to parent this issue that we forget the effect it has on our relationships. If you’re dating it’s where you’re trying to learn how to get to first base and if you’re married it’s what you’re fantasizing about, desperately praying that they’ll one day be open to your kinks.
Of course not everyone is taking notes or watching porn to learn something, but the amount we’re watching won’t allow us otherwise. It’s too easy to soak up something that offers such instant gratification and caters to the desires we never knew we had.
Think of it as a party. If you don’t go you’re missing out on a world of fun. But what if you’re both at home relaxing with a nice chick flick, perfectly happy to be doing mission–watching and cuddling? That’s great as long as one of you doesn’t secretly want to be out, or more likely sneaks away to attend (we’re still talking about porn here people – if it’s available on your phones, it’s not a huge commitment to get to). Okay so let’s go to the damn party. Let’s linger, and socialize there and see what we find. Easy there party animal, stay too long and you’ll wish the night never happened.
You also have to be careful in attending this party together, by the way. The watch-and-learn tactic is incredibly difficult, and it doesn’t help that you’re probably not in pornstar shape. They call it me-time for a reason, just be careful not to get too self-indulgent; i.e. you can attend this party alone, but don’t stay there to get away from home.
The overall dilemma with porn is that it’s far too extreme to replicate, especially on a regular basis. Even the amateur stuff is enough to make most people wince. How do you strike a balance? Stop by the party, enjoy yourself, and get out. It not only makes sense at this point to watch a bit of porn (why fight the google ads, junk mail, and tv) and cure the curiosity just enough that cuddling doesn’t become passé. Because not only is porn far too extreme but it also lacks our crucial desire for intimacy. You can definitely learn a lot, but you’ll have to look elsewhere for some tender lovemaking.