Expectations can be unmet.
“I myself had an arranged marriage and that’s what I was hoping for them (my daughters) to have. What I emphasized to them is they couldn’t have these flippant relationships. They needed to have deep, meaningful relationships. It was very important to find the right kind of people to marry.
Also, I was sure that whomever they picked would be good, decent people. I had that trust as I saw them growing up and making friends with people.”
Get over the superiority complex. Your kind is not the best.
“I think we just have a superiority complex. We Indians think we are the best and for some reason Indians should just marry Indians. That’s just how it used to be, and that is an accepted norm, and people just usually don’t like to do, or accept things, that are different from what has been going on for generations.”
Others can value our culture more than we do.
“I’ve seen in cross-cultural marriages there is much more effort on both sides to make it work, much more, because they already know that they will be required to put in lots of effort to make it work. Whereas when everything is same it’s like no effort is put in so it’s so easy for the flame to extinguish. You just take everything for granted.
I can say for my brother and his wife and their daughters that they are much more rooted in the Indian culture even though they are white American kids—like when we call, the first thing they say on the phone is ‘pranam, namaste’. And my sister-in-law can prepare every traditional family dish there is perfectly, much better than I do.”
Western men may trump Indian men!
“I certainly feel the guys from the West really make an effort to make a girl feel special. They know how to do that, and they make the effort to do that. Whereas most Indian men have no idea—they’re just full of themselves. I just feel that she’s (Kartini) lucky to get a little bit of romance and a little bit of caring, true caring, caring that shows, from a Western man.
They really make that effort to spend time with you to get to know you, and that’s something very refreshing. Whereas the Indian boys just come, have a good time, and leave. Because they just think ‘What’s there to know? They’re just like us.’
Also they don’t have this inflated ego like the Indian boys do. I find it very refreshing, and keen, and fresh.”
