By Reena
Contributing Writer
In many societies anorexia is not thought of as a real illness. Often people adopt the ‘just shut up and eat’ attitude when dealing with someone who refuses to eat. However, from years of experience with anorexia, as well as other eating disorders, I can categorically tell you anorexia is a real illness, and it’s a much more complex problem than just refusing to eat. In fact, believe it or not, it has very little to do with food.
Typically a person who develops anorexia starts off with some difficulty or something they’re unhappy with in their life. In my case I always felt a sense of inferiority to my sibling. She excelled at her studies whereas I struggled at certain subjects; mainly those that were claimed to be safe, profitable ones for sound careers—accounting, medicine and law. Through my college and university years I tried to follow my sibling’s path and study the subjects she did, but as I had no passion for them, I couldn’t excel.
This led to feelings of being a failure and I often remember thinking, “Why can’t I be as good as my sister at accounting?” I felt I had little control over what was going wrong with it. I began seeking other areas in my life that I could exert control over, and I found myself steering towards controlling, or at least trying to control, my food.
During my youth I was pretty overweight and needed to become healthier and lose some kilos—so I started off with sensible dieting. But then on occasions I would find myself skipping meals and going hungry, and the one thing this ‘remaining empty and hungry’ made me feel was ‘being in control’, despite all the conflicts I was having with my studies. The few occasions of skipping meals and starving became more and more frequent, and each time I felt more powerful and in control of my life. Obviously this lack of eating led to further dramatic weight loss and before I knew it I was drastically underweight. But I continued because the feeling of control it gave me was unmatched by the shortcomings I felt in my career and education.
I definitely remember thinking to myself, “Well my sister may be able to do accounts but I can do this one thing which she cannot”—and that thing was starving. Looking back I see this was completely irrational, as starving and remaining underweight and unhealthy was not, and is not, an achievement. In fact it makes you so weak that you can’t go out and achieve anything successfully because you are constantly tired, or your thoughts are preoccupied with diet and exercise.
