Challenge: Sex, Drugs, Alcohol
“Here in the U.S. when the kids are in fifth grade they talk to them about D.A.R.E. (drug abuse resistance education). They demonstrate with some kind of glasses you wear to make you feel like how a drunk person would feel. The other thing they talk about is sex. With my work experience, I also know girls at this age are sometimes on birth control, keeping in mind some could be for health issues. Also, some parents are getting their kids vaccinated starting at age 9 for certain STDs.
Here is my issue: Being a South Asian parent, should I let my kids be a part of this at this age, or when they are little older? Both the above issues are great knowledge but is the age right?
What I see among many South Asian parents here is that they allow their kids to participate in what school is teaching them about these things, but in their actions they are not allowed to do what other kids’ parents let them do. So at this age group I feel like the kids gets confused and feel low because of friends teasing them, or just get frustrated. Then that leads to them going on the Internet secretly. How do you tell your kid what would be the right thing to do, and let them have the goods of both cultures?”
Solution: Tailor-made Talks
(I)
If your child is already being exposed to certain topics and discussions at school, it is better to accept that they will know about these things at an earlier age than you wanted. Once you accept that, you will be able to be there as a source of support and information, rather than a figure to be feared.
Be willing to talk to your child about things, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Just because your parents never talked to you about it, doesn’t mean you should do the same with your children.
If you know your child is having a D.A.R.E session at school, ask them about it when they come home. Don’t make it a big deal. The more comfortably you talk about it, the more they will share with you, and the less you will have to worry about them researching or doing things secretly.
(II)
Educate yourselves. If your teacher informs you she will be talking to your child’s class about sex, drugs, or any important topic, find out more. Go talk to the teacher and ask her exactly what aspects of it they will cover, how they will talk about it, and what might be a good way to reinforce what the children learn at school at home.
This also avoids your child getting mixed messages between school and home.
(III)
Get out of the ‘right age’ frame of mind. As the world changes, it becomes increasingly difficult to define when/what/how is the right time to talk about something.
It will be different between each parent, and each child—and the most important thing is to be there to talk about certain things whenever you sense that your child is starting to discover them.
Some mature faster than others, so be attuned to the differences amongst your children. If you get stuck in what the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ age is, you will be missing the crucial point of being there for your child when she needs you most.
