“Many a true word is spoken in jest.”
The English proverb reveals what we often try to hide in our corny jokes: the truth.
How many times have you sat around a group of parents discussing their children’s future marriages, and heard the sentence, “I don’t care which race he brings home, as long as it’s a ‘she’!”
There is laughter in unison even though the joke is getting old—because deep down inside, everyone shares the sentiment. Laughing along is a way of not facing the reality, the fact that you never really know who your child will grow up to be.
But have we looked over our shoulders at the children listening in? The tired teenagers dreading their parents’ embarrassing stories or the eager eight-year-olds staring in wonder at the grown-ups—they are around, and they are listening. They hear you. They understand.
What may have started as a casual joke can just as easily transform into a subconscious warning in the child’s mind: ‘Should I ever discover that I am gay, my parents (and all their friends) will disapprove.’
And a group of full-grown adults poking fun at something translates into that thing being worth ridicule, of lesser value, and something that demands very little respect.
In a fraction of a second, we have imparted so many misguided values. Take that second and multiply it twenty years over—you’re left with a thirty-year old son who can’t face his parents to tell them the single most definitive part of his being: “I am gay.”
This month our special feature explores the complexities of being a gay South Asian.
In a personal plea to parents, I ask, think before you joke. Tread carefully. Remember that your children can understand more than you know, and much more than what you say. They are more attuned to signals, to body language, and to nuances than most adults. They are sharp, and they will soak in all the information—the obvious and the subtleties.
If you must blurt something out, try to fix the damage. Explain humour to your children. Give back the value you took away when you poked fun at the blonde, the sardar, or the homosexual.
If you don’t, you could be taking away the respect you might one day owe your child.
